Individuals are turning to increasingly anthropomorphic, general-purpose chatbots for AI companionship, yet, not much is known about how individuals perceive and conduct their relationships.

We analyzed semi-structured interviews (n=13), survey responses (n=43), and community discussions on Reddit (41k+ posts and comments) to triangulate the internal dynamics, external influences, and steering strategies that shape AI companion relationships.

We learned that individuals conceptualize their companions based on an interplay of their beliefs about the companion's own agency and the autonomy permitted by the platform, how they pursue interactions with the companion, and the perceived initiatives that the companion takes. External entities can affect relationship dynamics, particularly model updates that can derail companion behaviour and stability, so individuals make use of different types of steering strategies to preserve their relationship, like setting behavioural instructions or porting to other AI platforms.

We discuss implications for accountability and transparency in AI systems, where emotional connection competes with broader product objectives and safety constraints.